Dirt getting thrown around in the air,
screams coming from the corner,
near the rickety stairs.
Cries are heard from the next room.
Plates crashing to the wall,
falling near the door.
The shadow that is seen from the room next door
is pushed to the ground,
making a pleading sound.
Screams from the corner stop and disappear,
nothing can help the little girl overcome her fears.
Rolled up in a ball so tight closing her eyes,
making herself think everything will be alright.
Another shadow moves forward towards the screen door.
Passing her…
not even glancing at the corner.
She opens her eyes and sees everything is calm,
No shadows are to be seen,
but she is alone.
No one saw her or even heard her screams.
No one even came back for her,
Not even the people she loved so dear.
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Comments
Dirt getting thrown around in the air,
screams coming from the corner,
near the rickety stairs.
Cries are heard from the next room.
Plates crashing to the wall,
falling near the door.
First stanza sounds like there's obviously some commotion going on in the scene. It plays out very well in my mind, and I can almost hear shouting, arguing, and other memorable moments from my childhood that I almost forgot, until I read this.
I think this is awesome, Beth, and you're a great writer. I never fully appreciated it before, but your work is great.
--
J'ai Aimé...
J'ai Souffert....
Maintenant, Je Hais.
--
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. -Jules de Gaultier
--
J'ai Aimé...
J'ai Souffert....
Maintenant, Je Hais.
--
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. -Jules de Gaultier
I was going to critique this, but now that I read it, I just don't really want to, or feel like critiquing this... Like, I was going to ask why is the dirt really getting thrown around in the air... is someone picking it up and throwing it or something..? But then I just stopped, because I'm like, "bah I like this poem, I don't want to crit it." I think this is one of your best poems... Good luck with the contest.
By the way, what poem inspired you to write this? *wants to read it*
--
If you have to think about whether you love someone or not, then the answer is no.
When you love someone... you just know.
Visit my clubs! -----> [link]
--
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. -Jules de Gaultier
--
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"We are all merely pawns,
On this mortal board of Chance:
Vagabonds of Fate,
Prisoners, of Circumstance."
--
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. -Jules de Gaultier
I let my mouse float and pick... and it chose this title. Bulls eye, you're watched XD
This is a very fragile piece of art. You worked very well with the actions done to the little girl, putting it into a vague, scenery, but nonetheless you managed to shape a very eerie atmosphere over the whole. It has its impact for sure!
I'd like to see you evolve ^.^
--
- No Matter How Long It'll Take, No Matter How Far You'll Be, I Will Find You... - (D.D. Lewis - Last Of The Mohicans)
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